Plastic Surgery In Fashion For Pets

MSNBC:" Well, get ready for a fresh dose of reality: those going under the knife to be nipped and tucked are not people but pets. “Pets are no longer considered property, but family members," says Dr. Alan Schulman, a board-certified orthopedic veterinary surgeon who performs plastic surgery and also sees general practice cases at the Animal Medical Center of Southern California in Los Angeles. "With the evolution of this emotional bond, people with a discretionary income are taking advantage of technology and veterinary expertise to give their animals medically indicated reconstructive surgery resulting in a better quality of life.

Schulman sees many pets belonging to celebrities and says he gets his fair share of requests to perform unnecessary cosmetic procedures, reconstructive procedures that amount to an eyelift, full facelift, rhinoplasty or abdominoplasty. The costs are about $1,000 per procedure and the pet is usually hospitalized overnight in order to be properly monitored after anesthesia. The most common are skin-fold problems, particularly around the eyes, lips, tail and vaginal area, nose jobs and chin lifts. Neuticles(animal-balls) are testicular implants designed to give neutered pets a more "masculine," unneutered look.

To date, about 148,000 implants have been fitted worldwide. The recipients are mainly dogs, but Miller now has three implants available that range in softness and size to fit cats as well as horses and bulls. Prices range from $79 to $400 a pair. “The implants are FDA approved and are inserted at the time of neutering. It’s like changing a light bulb; it takes less than three minutes," says Miller. Veterinarians usually charge around $60 in addition to the neutering operation....Now this one is just plain dumb to me, come-on I had our male dog fixed many years ago when he was just 6-months old. I don't think he even knows that he ever had them, and as for hmasculinitytiy I don't feel it has ever effected him in this area he isn't afraid to thump any dog that wants to take him on, if any thing I wish I could mellow this one he's 12-years old. And as for giving my dog a face lift...I've got better things to do with my money!!"

Lutheran Minister claims There's No God Or After-life

sfgate;" The Danish government upheld the clerical suspension of a Lutheran minister who proclaimed last year that there was no God or afterlife, and he now could be fired or fined for declaring his beliefs in the pulpit. The government suspended the Rev. Thorkild Grosboell, pastor his unconventional beliefs at his church. Grosboell "had damaged the state (Evangelical Lutheran) Church ... And had not shown loyalty to the state Church." Grosboell has been under strict supervision since he first was suspended after a interview in which he said "there is no heavenly God, there is no eternal life, there is no resurrection." But in a sermon, Grosboell said that "God had abdicated in favor of his son, hence in our favor. Therefore there is no longer a heavenly guarantee or an interfering might, there is only the godly kingdom (on earth) that is achieved by us and between us. So if it fails, there is nothing...I don't know about others but when you have a man of the cloth who don't believe in what he teaches then, it really makes you wonder what's true and what's not?"

How Long Will I Live?

World News:" If you don't want to know when you'll die, DON'T read this story. The lifeline on the palm of your hand really does tell how long you'll live, says a new government study. All you have to do is measure it with a ruler and then perform simple arithmetic that will reveal the precise age at which you will die with a margin of error so small that researchers call it statistically insignificant, says Dr. Franklin Howell, National Institutes of Health, in Bethesda, Md. What we have found is that the lifeline is, in fact, an extraordinarily precise measuring stick that accurately predicts the number of years a person will live. It's amazingly accurate. We never expected it. Howell and his team measured the lifelines and then tracked the lives of 200 men and women ages 67 to 92 in the study that began in 1992 and didn't end until last June. During that period, 176 of the participants died from a variety of illnesses and accidents, including cancer, heart disease, strokes, and, in two cases, attacks by a burglar and, oddly enough, a rabid squirrel. Computer modeling indicated a distinct relationship between the length of their lifeline and their age at death that, Howell says, proved to be accurate with a margin of error of just one year. But you don't need a computer to figure out how long you're going to live. According to Howell, any adult armed with paper and pencil can do the math and find out the age at which he or she will die. Here's how: Measure the lifeline on your dominant hand left if you're left-handed, right if you're right-handed and then convert its length to eighths of inches. For example, if your line is 4 inches long, its length in eighths of inches will be 4 x 8 = 32. If your line is 43/8 inches, its length in eighths of inches will be 4 x 8 = 32 + 3 = 35. This is your "Lifeline Number." Tip: Because your lifeline is curved, for pinpoint accuracy, lay a string over it, and then stretch the string out on a table and measure it with a ruler. Multiply your Lifeline Number by 2. If your Lifeline Number is 32, the math looks like this: 32 x 2 = 64. The product 64 is your "Lifeline Root Number." If you are a woman, add 14 to your Lifeline Root Number. If you are a man, add 10 to your Lifeline Root Number. If your Lifeline Root Number is 64, the math looks like this: 64 + 14 = 78 for a woman; 64 + 10 = 74 for a man. Give or take one year, this is the age at which you will die barring a freak accident. Once you know how long you're going to live, you can plan accordingly, says Howell....Well I did this and it says I will live to be at least 80-years old before I die, so that means I have only 30 -years left to do all the things I want to do. Like find that perfect man for me in every dept.(lol) And make my kids learn how to give me money instead of me always handing out the $$ to them!!"

Sex Toys More Common with Women

Relationships;"Nearly half of adult women currently use sex toys or have tried them in the past, research shows. And women in relationships are even more likely to use them.

The report comes from Chicago's Berman Center. Directed by sex therapist Laura Berman, LCSW, PhD, the center focuses on women's sexual health and menopause.

The online study, funded by an unrestricted educational grant from drugstore.com, was conducted by Knowledge Networks for the Berman Center. The results were presented at the Women's Sexual Health State-of the-Art Series conference in Chicago.

A random sample of almost 2,600 women aged 18 to 60 were invited to participate in the survey. About 1,600 agreed to complete the survey, answering questions about their relationship status and use of sex toys.

According to the survey:


Forty-four percent said they currently use a sex toy or had done so in the past. The most commonly used sex toy was a vibrator.
Young women aged 25-34 were the most likely to have ever used a sex toy, with 51% of participants in that age group reporting current or past sex toy use.
Women aged 55-60 were just as likely to have tried a sex toy at some point in their lives. However, they were half as likely as younger women to currently use sex toys.

Most current or past sex toy users were in relationships and said they did not view the devices as a substitute for a partner.


Of unmarried women living with their partners, 43% said they currently used sex toys, and 17% said they had used them in the past.
Among women in relationships who were not living with their partners, 35% said they currently used sex toys, and 21% said they had done so in the past.

Sex Toys Less Common Among Singles

Sex toy use was less common among women not in relationships. Twenty-two percent of single women said they were current sex toy users; 12% said they had used sex toys in the past.

The use of sex toys was most popular among white women and women with some college education.


Thirty-four percent of white women said they currently used sex toys, compared with 22% of black participants, 19% of Hispanics, and 8% of "other" races.
Thirty-seven percent of women with some college education (but not a degree) were current sex toy users, compared with 26% of women with a college degree and 29% of high school graduates with no college education.

Sex Toys no Substitute for Real Thing

Overall, women had a "neutral-to-positive" outlook on sex toy use.

After controlling for demographic variables, "current sex toy users, whether or not in a steady healthy relationship, were significantly more likely to report a higher level of desire and interest for sex and less pain during and following intercourse," says the report.

"However, current and former users who were not in steady healthy relationships were still less satisfied with their overall sexual life than their counterparts."

Most sex toy users (about 90%) said they were open about it with their partners. Almost two-thirds of women said their partners were supportive of their sex toy use."

Wife poison's - Husband

" The District Attorney was cross-examining the murderess-wife on the witness stand. And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table par-taking of the fatal dosage, didn't you feel any qualms? Didn't you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?

Yes, she answered. Come to think of it...there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him. And, when was that?......When he asked for the second cup....Okay I know this is a bit morbid, but it made me smile, come-on now no one can't tell me we all haven't had days like this when our other half just plain drove us nuts!!"

What's in your food?

weird news:"The Australian Police Journal reported that an elderly woman had already used about half of the powder in a custard packet when she discovered an object that appeared to be a large dead cockroach. However, when she brought it to the Health Department, food analysts determined it to be a dried-up human finger. The following investigation revealed that a factory worker had lost two fingers in a machine with rotating blades. One finger had been found. The other had made its way into the custard packet the woman had bought....Now this is just plain gross"

Rise in ADHD/ADD

MSNBC:"I have a child with these problems, doctors and schools have rode my back for years wanting him to be on Ritain since he was 5-years old. Guess my problem with this report is I don't really remember him watching that much TV, I do remember he was born early with some health problems and I feel this had alot to do with why he is the way he is. I know alot of people say that children will grow out of this problem with age, but I dis-agree. I feel that some just learn how to live with it as part of their life, but then again what about these adults that suddenly find out they have this problem? And for years growing up they were never treated, then they start taking this drug? Guess the jury is still out on that one huh?"

"Researchers point fingers at TV, genetics, overdiagnosis Some scientists say watching TV could lead to an increased risk for ADHD, while others argue that genetics and other factors play a bigger role in the development of the disorder.
When most of today's parents were growing up, the common wisdom about television viewing was not to sit too close to the screen or you’d go blind. There was relatively little in the way of children’s programming: Sesame Street, which turned 35 this year, was in its infancy and there were a few cartoons, as well as Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Rogers and Romper Room.

How times have changed. In the years since then, children’s programming has exploded. Now whole networks are devoted to young viewers.

And, interestingly enough, something else has exploded: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD, a behavior condition that now affects from 4 percent to 12 percent of U.S. children. ADHD is characterized by the inability to focus, listen, or complete tasks and schoolwork. Many children are medicated to control the condition.

When it comes to TV, says Dr. Dimitri Christakis, a pediatric researcher at Children’s Hospital and Regional Medical Center in Seattle, concerns over eyesight should be the least of parents' concerns. Instead, he contends that ADHD and the onslaught of children’s programming, along with DVD players and portable TVs that make viewing possible anywhere anytime, may very well be linked.

Study finds increased risk from TV, Christakis is the lead author of a study published in the journal Pediatrics in April that suggests TV viewing in very young children contributes to attention problems later in life. “The study revealed that each hour of television watched per day at ages 1 through 3 increases the risk of attention problems by almost 10 percent at age 7,” says Christakis.The study attempted to control for attributes of the home environment, such as cognitive stimulation and emotional support, but a key factor was left out: the content of the programs children watched. Christakis says this aspect should be studied in more detail at some point, but he maintains that it’s not the message of the program that’s likely the culprit, it’s the visual tactics used.

Christakis and others in the field, such as Jane Healy, an education psychologist in Vail, Colo., and author of "Your Child’s Growing Mind: Brain Development and Learning from Birth to Adolescence," believe common programming tactics designed to capture a child’s attention can have a deleterious affect on brain chemistry.

Healy says overstimulation from rapid scene changes and other programming tactics may throw off the balance of the body's catecholamine system, which is responsible for carrying communications between nerves.

“It has to do with neurotransmitters in the catecholamine system, dopamine and norepinephrine,” she adds.

Real life becomes slow and boring, Children’s programmers use a technique called the “orienting reflex," known as OR, to capture and keep a child’s attention. OR works in this way: If we see or hear something the brain doesn’t recognize as the correct sequence or a typical life event, such as a dancing alphabet or quick zooms and pans, we focus on it until the brain recognizes that it doesn’t pose a threat. The problem with watching too many programs that rely on OR is that real life becomes slow and boring by comparison.

“We think that with continued exposure to high intensity, unrealistic action, you’re conditioning the mind to expect that level of input,” Christakis explains. When the child doesn’t get the fast-paced input that television provides, he or she becomes bored and inattentive.

“It used to be that as educators we talked about the 'two-minute mind,'" says Healy. "Now it’s the 30-second mind." Of course, having an extremely short attention span makes listening, problem solving and learning to read difficult.

Genetics may play key role, While the implications of Christakis’s study are intriguing, not to mention frightening to all those decent parents who consider it a good day when their children sit contently watching Sesame Street and perhaps even a Baby Einstein chaser, they may also be a bit sensationalistic, says ADHD expert Dr. David Rabiner of Duke University.

“At this point there’s a compelling body of evidence that suggests that it’s genetics that plays the biggest role in ADHD,” he says. “Not bad parenting.” While some research has been done to determine if there are links between ADHD and environmental factors, as well as nutrition, sleep disorders, exposure to toxins and certain prenatal conditions, Rabiner says the connections have consistently been found to be weak or nonexistent.

ADHD/ADD are conditions that require a professional diagnosis and perhaps intervention. To find out more about this disorder, log on to the Attention Deficit Disorder Association’s Web site at ADD.org.


Instead, Rabiner attributes the rise in ADHD to more awareness of the condition and slightly relaxed criteria for diagnosis.

“I think it’s a gross misunderstanding of the recent study to jump to the conclusion that television watching leads to ADHD. The study doesn’t prove anything of the sort,” says Rabiner, who notes that the scale used in the study to determine if children who had watched TV later developed “attention problems” cannot be compared to the standards that a professional would use make a diagnosis.

Rabiner advises parents to limit the amount of television their children watch for a variety of reasons, but says they should make the choice independent of any worries that TV causes ADHD.

Christakis agrees, sort of. “Our study doesn’t prove a link between clinical ADHD and television viewing,” he says. “But I don’t even think that’s the most important point here. As parents, the most important thing is for us to do everything we can environmentally to encourage our children to focus as much as they are genetically endowed to.”

What's a parent to do? So should parents throw the TV out the window? Healy and Christakis offer these more moderate suggestions:

Parents should keep TV viewing to a minimum, if not eliminate it, for a child's first two years. This is also the recommendation of the American Academy of Pediatrics. “There are videos that claim they’re good for children’s minds, but there is absolutely no evidence that any program is good for young children,” says Christakis.
For children older than two, limit total screen time (TV, computers and video games) to an hour of carefully selected programming per day. Slow-paced shows are preferable to fast-paced ones.
Reduce the background noise of TV as much as possible. Researchers believe background noise interferes with a child’s ability to concentrate on a problem and decide on a reasonable behavior or train of thought.
Encourage your children to learn through their hands and bodies. “It’s better to touch and smell an apple rather than watch one on the television or computer screen,” says Healy.
Talk to your child and listen instead of allowing any screen to talk to him or her. This communication is crucial in the development of language and interpersonal skills. “If you skip over early language or shortchange it because you’re watching television so much, you may never get it back,” warns Healy."

Buffalo has no problem with self-image

Yahoo! coffeeBreak:"A South Dakota buffalo missed his own auction after spending two hours locked in a dressing room staring at himself in a mirror. The incident happened in Rapid City at Sunday's annual Black Hills Classic Buffalo Sale at the Rushmore Plaza Civic Center arena, the Rapid City Journal reported. The agitated bison jumped over a steel panel into an alleyway that led to the visitors' dressing room, Civic Center General Manager Brian Maliske said. "The door happened to be unlocked, and he pushed the door open and went in," Maliske said. When the auction crew caught up with the beast, they noticed it transfixed, staring at itself in a large mirror. To avoid disrupting the event further, it was decided to lock the buffalo in the room until the auction ended. A wrangler had little trouble coaxing the animal out afterwards, uncertain whether it was enamored with, or intimidated by staring at itself for two hours, the newspaper said. Well women always have said that the human male was vain, looking in mirrors or thinking they are standing up to another male. Just goes's to show you even the animal ones are just as bad. This was cute tho, just thinking about a big-ole Buffalo in a dressing-room! "

Home-made Health Remedies From Your Cupboard

"A friend of mine is always sending me interesting stuff! So for what it is worth, I am sharing it with everyone:

1. Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional pain relievers.
2. Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
3. Before you head to he drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They'll clear up your stuffed nose. As a chronic bronchial asthmatic I rely on Fisherman’s Friends. But in a pinch the Altoids will work also.
4. Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1/2 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
5. Sore Throat?? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 Tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria. It does not mention whether you swallow or gargle. But I suppose it can not hurt you. I usually use 2 tsps of salt in ½ glass of warm water. Gargle for 30 seconds 15 minutes apart for about 2 hrs. and your sore throat will be gone.
6. Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly-even though the product was never been advertised for this use.
7. Eliminate puffiness under your eyes.....All you need is a dab of preparation H, carefully rubbed into the skin, avoiding the eyes. The hemorrhoid ointment acts as a vasoconstrictor, relieving the swelling instantly.
8. Honey remedy for Skin Blemishes......Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing.
9. Works overnight.Listerine therapy for toenail fungus....Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
10. Easy eyeglass protection....To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
11. Coca-Cola cure for rust...Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
12. Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer....If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can't find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.
13. Smart splinter remover.....just pour a drop of Elmers Glue-all over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.
14. Hunt's tomato paste boil cure....Cover the boil with Hunt's tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.
15. Balm for broken blisters.....To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine....a powerful antiseptic.
16. Heinz vinegar to heal bruises...Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
17. Kills fleas instantly. Dawn dishwashing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog's bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Good-bye fleas
18. Rainy day cure for dog odor....Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
19. Eliminate ear mites....All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat's ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat's skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.
20. Vaseline cure for hairballs.....To prevent troublesome hairballs, apply a dollop of Vaseline petroleum jelly to your cat's nose. The cat will lick off the jelly, lubricating any hair in its stomach so it can pass easily through the digestive system.
21. Quaker Oats for fast pain relief....It's not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain."

Drug Used to Seduce Men

"Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs..Ladies make sure you stay close to this man you give this drug to, so other women don't sneak in and claim your prize..LOL:

Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a drug called "beer" that is essentially in liquid form. The most effective varieties are being shipped in from other countries. "Beer" is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is that this "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. Please! Forward this to every man you know... There is safety in numbers... "

Learn Latin Loving For Beginners

Beginners;"The room was full of casually dressed men and women who meandered around, batted their eyelids or stared at one another in penetrating ways. Baby steps in an ancient dance: Italians at a seduction school near Rome rub against each other, a female psychologist keeps an eye on students tackling the crucial squeezing and fondling phase.

Later, the woman explained that sidelong glances are a major come-on. "It means a woman is ready to go. It's a guaranteed night in bed," she said.
And so it went at a lesson in seduction Italian-style, offered to eager, mostly middle-aged students who gathered recently at a farmhouse south of Rome to learn the art of the pickup.

The wandering-eye session was just one of several exercises designed to teach students how to get the uomo or Donna of their dreams into bed, if not into a lasting relationship. Everyone has the equipment, the teachers advised. Just relax and bring it out.
There was a lot of loosening up. First, the crowd to writhe around the room. Then there was the leaning on one another, and even being folded into someone's arms. Then there was the "power of the glance" exercise, with wandering and winking and so on. Then couples stood in a pair of rows facing each other and one side tried to entice the other using eyes only.

A woman will not choose someone she feels she cannot control. This is a flame that is quickly extinguished, cautioned barriers fear of strangers. Fear of disease is also getting in the way, strangers don't trust strangers. Maybe this is what I need to get over my shy-ness of picking up men, then I wouldn't be worrying why I am always with-out a man in my bed on those lonely night...LOL"

PORNO Mom & Dad Stars

Ohio:" A teen was severely traumatized after discovering the stars of a downloaded porno flick were none other than his own parents. Timmy-17, (name withheld) recalls the moment that scarred him for life. I was like five minutes into this porno called Horny House Wives 4, when I thought to myself, Hey, that couch looks exactly like the one I'm sitting on? Oh crap, it is! I remember the horror overcoming me when I realized the woman was my mother, and the guy my father. I instantly backed up and vomited. Timmy's parents, believe that their son needs to grow up and get over it. Tim's mother and I are completely comfortable with our sexuality. While his family seems to be in turmoil, Timmy stated that future family gatherings will probably be a little uncomfortable for a long while.Laughed my butt off when I read this, well guess its a sure way to turn your kids off on looking a Porno!!"

Healing

" Well Things are getting better for me in my own healing time with by break-up from my long time partner of 4-years, don't get me wrong its hard and I miss him really bad at times.

But this was the right thing to do for me I feel, I now know it was time to move on even if it hurts as we both wanted different things from the relationship. I now know that I will someday find someone who wants to spend his life with me and try really hard to make things work with me as I will with him, but till then I will learn to heal and make myself a better person so that when (Mr Nice Dating Man) comes along I will be ready to move on with someone else.

I have no clue who he may be but I now know better in what I do and don't want in a partner to share my time with. I have made a cross road today...It has been- 27 days since I last held him in my arms and felt the want of a man, and 22-days since I have last spoke with him, and we broke-up. This is the longest we have stayed apart, I had asked him to let me move on and he has been good about letting me lick my wounds and heal I feel. Not sure if he has moved on or not is why he don't contact me, others tell me he has and more then likely had before we ever did break-up had another women scoped out to date if we broke-up, or has replaced you as he also has moved on like you asked him to is what they said. Which I have to accept because I told him I was setting him free to be with someone that made him happy, as I didn't feel we were doing that to each other anymore.

A lot of pain and hurt trasnspired during this time, Yes I sometimes think we could of worked it out. But I felt I would lose more of myself if I kept giving and I had to stop, because it was hurting to much for me to try and please him. I just felt I never did the right thing to, because he was always upset with me a lot of the time if I expressed how I felt on things that he didn't agree on and we were never able to stop the merry-go-round of the same problems they just kept coming back, and we couldn't come to a understanding on these problems and we both could change them to make the other happy.

So I feel I did the right thing as I don't feel he really wanted to be with me anymore, by the way he was acting over things he felt always needed to be changed within my life to make us as a couple better, and I was just tired wore down from trying to change to keep him so he would be happy and not want to leave me. I came to think very little of myself in order to keep him, this is not a healthy thing to do know that I have been able to look back, I'm a bit sad because I cared very deeply for this man and loved him with my whole heart and wanted to sleep by him the rest of my life. But it was wrong of me to want someone more then they wanted me I'm learning more about myself these last few weeks, I was always someone who tried hard thru-out my 4-years with him to keep him, and guess I will never know if he stayed with me as long as he did because he loved me? Or that he just learned to love me because I wanted him so bad and he was settling for me because I wanted to please him so much. Don't really matter anymore, But I have learned something from my time with him.

You can't make someone be who they are not, and I need to look at things with other men in the next few months or years that I will date to take one day at a time and stand up for who I am and not change me for anyone. No matter how bad I want him, because he needs to love me for me and all my crazy moods. And everything and everyone that comes with my life, because that is who I am...A Loving,giving kind person who should demand that others treat her the same way and not accept any less from anyone ever.....SO Today is my crossroad in to my new life...ONE!! Step at a time, no more bitterness and tears, towards my x-mate..I know I am worth knowing, just need to find the right man who Loves me for me and nothing less....I know he is out there, just waiting for me to walk into his life!!

Charming Men Woman Shouldn't Date

(1) If he has one to many times been married, or is older then (30-plus) and never been married? Why? Multiple previous, or off and on dating with many women who always treated him bad(he says) these are BIG red flags!! Ladies he has some problems or these other women wouldn't keep leaving him. He bravely tells you they all treated him bad one way or another, he was the understanding/walked on mate.. Always. He never takes any blame for the break-ups, but that he just picked bad women to date. I promise, your name will someday be added to his list of women who did him wrong!! NEVER, think you are different from those other women in his past when he has more then one:(she treated me bad relationship)....You're not...Careful he'll suck the life out of you fast too!

(2) If you wonder how he affords the expensive wines, the five-star restaurants and the trips to Europe on the salary that someone in his line of work earns -- the answer is he can't afford it, he's doing it to hook you in. To make you think he is a sweet charming man who finally found the women of his dreams, he's living off the plan of bagging you to help feed him or help him pay off these debts down the road hoping you'll feel sorry for him...Don't!

(3) If he wants to buy a house, or maybe a newer car while your dating him watch-out if he starts talking about you both moving in together or getting married, but he needs his parents or you to co-sign for him. Run for the nearest exit. His credit is bad, from trying to impress women to stay with him he's a user!

(4) Brags that he "Went to" a college and "graduated from " a college to make himself look good. What a shame that he thinks you don't know that and he needs to keep throwing it in your face, tells you what a great find his is for any women, unless you were only dating him because he went to collage. Good-luck, this don't make him a good man by no means!

(5) If he complains about his job and co-workers (don't have a lot of close friends) at least once a week if not more, always feeling he could do better (he'll even tell you he likes his job most of the time.) But he's just looking for the better one to come along someday,(like his women) don't count on having his income in your budget.(Unless he is only trying to impress you then this is only tempory for show), because he will always tell you how poor he is even if he has tons of money. He claims he makes good money till its time to prove it, then he's suddenly broke or has a bill that needs payed. This will never change!

(6) Are you much older than he is? Does he try to control your every move, claims its because he loves you? Pick fights with you over dumb things that aren't worth even fighting over, but he can't let go of them its part of his control to wear you down. (He likes the older ones because he can no longer fool the younger, wiser ladies, truth.) Does he tell you that your special different then those younger women, says you treat him better is why he wants to be with you. He's with you because he thinks you can't get anyone better, and the women his age won't put up with his head-games. ...Don't sell yourself short!!

(7) Have you ever wondered why nothing is his fault? The: his break-ups, his past dating-mishaps,divorces, relationships,x-girlfriends,job's,money-problems,room-mates,un-paid-bills,friendships,bankruptcies? Think again. Someday you'll be on that list, of people who did him wrong too!

(8) Does he tell you that his Parent's advises him to not make any expensive purchases- on credit, at this time that he can't afford (like an Engagement-Ring, or Marriage), on the basis that they're trying to help him get out of debit right now? Don't believe every- thing you hear, he's being polite....He don't want to hurt you and tell you the truth, he's got no balls because they are in his mamma's purse!!

We all know that this man is attractive and charming we've all dated someone with one or more of the statements above, and the truth is he has read and learned everything he could, and still is. On what women want to get them to go out with him, but please take off the blinders. Because he won't be willing to want walk down the wedding-aisle with you its all a game to him because he is trying to hide the self-centered troll he really is, unless you end up with his child or trap him, you may get lucky and win him. (But ask yourself do you really want to end up with someone like him the rest of your life)... Be grateful for these reminders that before making a lifelong commitment, it's imperative to know well with whom one is having the pleasure."

The Dangers Of Pornography With Couples

"relationship's@today.org : "Pornography is rampant in the world we live in especially because of the internet. Without leaving home, a person is just a few clicks away from the raunchiest and most explicit sexual information in the world. Even though a majority of pornography is viewed by men, an increasing number of women are being entertained by it and even becoming addicted to it.
The problems with pornography are vast. First of all, for men, pornography changes the way they view women in a negative manner. Research has proven that just two sessions of one hour exposures of R rated sexual entertainment changes men's attitudes toward women. They begin to objectify women and no longer see them as individually unique or valuable. The reason is because of the demeaning manner in which women and sex are portrayed. Can you imagine what happens to a man's view of his female-partner after watching X X X porn?
The second problem with any form of pornography is that it introduces another person into a couple's sex life. Simply looking at another person in a longing and lustful manner is equal to adultery. Inevitably, we begin to compare our partner's body and sexual performance to the person or people in the pornography we are viewing. Also, we are making a very damaging statement to our partner that they simply aren't enough for us. Of course, when stimulated by pornography, no number of women or men could ever satisfy us. It is an insatiable appetite.
The third problem with pornography is escalation. The same stimulation that once satisfied no longer satisfies and so the porn must become more explicit and raunchy, until it takes over a person's life and destroys you both as a couple. I've heard people say that they used porn to spice up their sex lives with their partner. Porn will spice up your sex life like hydrochloric acid will spice up your food. Porn always destroys lives and robs you of the sacred intimacy and sexual fulfillment you could have had, sooner or later someone get hurt and before long you both no longer are a couple because of trust issues. Even if neither one of you has ever cheated on the other with a real human-body, it has only been mental image talk thru pornography you viewed while together
Let me offer several answers for those of you being affected by pornography. The first steps toward freedom are repentance and accountability. If you are viewing porn, find a good friend you can confide in and become accountable to. In fact, many communities are offering help for those with sexual addictions. Don't let pornography ruin your life and possibly help you to lose the person to whom you care about deeply about get help.
Rarely is a person's addiction to pornography a sexual issue. In most cases, men are using pornography to fill an emotional void or to deal with pain. Even though it can't be tolerated, understanding the reason behind it can help."

Red Flags In Dating Beware!!

" Good-Morning, I thought I would ad this bit of my own comments to the post below before you read it. Also posting it to help me REMEMBER, as I just came out of a 4-year relationship that was to end in a wedding ring in a few months and it ended about 3-weeks ago when I finally figured out he didn't have any plans of marriage, because I had to many problems he said, not his problems he brought to the table just mine, so I walked away and set him free.Nothing to show for the time I spent with this man but a broken heart a bit of bitterness, but lot wiser. So..This is what I seem to have done wrong in my past dating with men over my life time. I was looking for love in all the wrong places or should I say, I'm finding out I was looking at the wrong men to give me love and respect and their time. What I got from the male-dating partners I dated is below, and what I did because I didn't respect myself enough to demand more from them in the first place!!

Things I feel we as women do wrong, when dating men, to stop from being alone:


Give up our bodies for sexual pleasures to soon: Because we think this man cares about us, or because we want to be close to someone(male) because we are just plain horny and need some release. If you do this make sure he pleases you before he does himself, and don't be afraid to tell him or use your hand to show him what makes you hot, if this makes him mad or turns him off then...Dump him FAST, because it's a two way street he'd do it to you if you didn't make his body beg for more. And don't feel bad, be glad you found out what he was like. Before you dated him a-while, or even married him consider this a blessing not a bad thing!!
Sex-Goddess: Yes we all want our mate to think we are the best sex-partner they ever had but, don't give it up to fast. Don't be to free with your loving, it's okay to give him a sample now and then, but...Hold on to your bodies special gift till he slips a RING!! On your finger. Because it seems today, once men have had a taste of the honey pot, they are on to the next one... Like a busy bee. Or if they do stick around, don't be so free to give it away ladies make them earn it just like they do us on certain things. They want us to think they are something special and they picked us to date them...Well turn that around and make them want you instead, enough to be the last women they will ever want to date. Make them earn, your time and the honey from your love-pot with a wedding ring...Or at least a few nice trinkets, to carry your over from the break-up in case it don't work with them. And most of all don't ever feel like if you with-hold sex he'll leave you is why your giving it up, because if he does leave you for that reason...Then that was all he was after in the first place, deal with it and learn from it!
Cheap-Dates: What I mean by this is, he is always at your house watching TV on the couch or your cooking your food you bought to make him dinner. Oh... It's okay once in awhile if that is what you want to do, maybe once every few months, save this stuff for when you married and settle down for the rest of your life with this man, no matter what even if you are trying to prove to him you are a good cook to win his heart. He will say things like I like a simply women, old fashion or I'm looking for someone like dear old mom...DROP- HIM. Send him packing back to mom if that is what he is looking for, because I promise you he will let go of his money in the cob-web wallet for the next women, if the only time she will see him is if they go out on a real date that means going out in public. Don't let him give you the lines a lot of men use on us...I've got a lot of bills-(So do we) or I'm looking for a women that likes to just spend time with me cuddling and getting to know me, don't buy that you can cuddle in public as well as on your couch at home, and have an outing too. Or the best one, your the type of women I have been looking for, what he is really saying is: (I can get everything from you for nothing in return but my time). This is a selfish man, if you allow it then you get what you ask for..A lot of dates in front of the TV and a rolling in the bed if he wants to make you feel like you earned it. If we allow this type of behavior then we have no one to blame but our self. Don't get me wrong, not all men have money. And not all poor men are bad for us to date. What I'm saying is rich or poor....He will find the money to take you out on a date/outing what-ever, if you tell him this is what you expect from him in order to spend time with him. I promise you, other women do it all the time...Why should you expect any less for yourself. If he really likes you he will find ways to court you in public and not behind closed doors.

Marriage verses living together: To many couples today live together for years and never get married, this is fine if you don't want to marry this person, but if you do don't sell yourself short. If you want marriage from this man then stick to your guns and don't settle for less, move the wedding date up if it is so imporant for you two to live under one roof, if your sure that he is the one for you. But don't fall for these lines from him: I want to see how we work together before we tie the knot. Or I don't want to get married till I can buy you a proper ring, or have a nice wedding, or save money to buy a nicer home or car, or I want to pay off some bills before I get married. Accept it he's not looking for a wife...He's looking for a Room-mate, THAT COOKS AND CLEANS AND GIVES HIM FREE SEX, and pays half of the bills so he has more money. He's still looking for MRS. RIGHT, and you just allowed him to say your not her and went along with it your worth more then what he is willing to offer, be smart run fast!

Gifts/Holidays: This one I think hurts the most of all, we make excuse why they don't remember to give us a gift on holidays or birthdays when we always remember them. They say things like we should tell them these dates, because they have a lot on their minds and can't remember dates we need to let them know those things are important to us. We shouldn't have too! We buy them things, then sometimes they try to make up for it by giving you a late gift or take you out for dinner to make it right...It still hurts and what's worst is we let them get away with it, because we like them. Well Maybe in the beginning this is fine because they don't know you that well, but after 6-months they should know what's proper in the gift dept.

Family/Friends/co-workers: This one I know a lot of people say you shouldn't do till you know if you like this person, I agree. But if your still dating this person after a few months and only each other, I feel you should expect him take you to meet these people in his life, and you do the same. At least half of the time he spends with these people if not more, if your a couple then others should know that too. Don't be a fool and let him tell you that he don't want you to get to know these people for what ever reason, tell him you want to be the judge, if he don't follow thru and stands firm, you need to ask why? And if he tells you that these people don't like you is why he don't take you with him to see these people, you need to let him know they don't know you, how can they know if they like you as a person or not? He needs to give you and them a chance to get to know each other. Unless he is really telling them, that you and him aren't really dating is why he don't want you to meet them and then the truth will come out if they met you. This you need to find it out in the beginning not years down the road, or take his word for it. If he really likes you then he would want others to see how happy you make him. Don't be a fool and let him keep you away from these people, you need to be asking him and yourself why you are allowing him to treat you this way if you are his girl-friend?

During a heated dis-agreement: He throws his x-girlfriends or your past lovers or kids or friends in your face to put you down. Or the one where he tells you he is such a great man that women are always hitting on him, so you should feel like he is the best thing that walked into your life this:(is what he wants you to believe) This is wrong he shouldn't do this its mean and cruel, if this does happen he needs to know its not right and to stop it and you shouldn't allow it after one time of it happening, if it happens a lot then move fast to start looking for a better men out there who will treat you the way you want to be treated.

I guess what I am saying is if we as women don't expect more out of a dating partner for us, then we get what we ask for and we have no one to blame but our-selves. But if we feel we are worth more then what our past male-dating partners give us then we need be up front with what we want, and stand by it even if we end up alone or they dump us..We expect to be happy as person, but the happiness has to come from with in you, and what you allow others to do or treat you. Because we all need to learn to give to ourselves more to be happy with where your going in life, and if you end up alone for a time..Well, least no man is the blame for it."

Ladies! How To Find The Right Man

Womens guide:"Ladies, are you tired of casting envious glances at other women who drive fancy cars and have megabucks just because their cute or skinny? Well, fret no more. By using this exclusive guide you can learn how to become a successful lady, and make men respect you too!
GETTING STARTED: You must first stake out your territory, the best available locations, or you can choose your own by observing the number of horny males in a certain area, or the internet now days is good too. But make the man come to you, or get a round trip plane ticket for you and a friend (in-case he's a freak). For your own protection.
DRESSING FOR SUCCESS: You don't have to have alot of money just a few nice out of pocket outfits. Dress neat not trashy. A scooped neckline showing plenty of cleavage is also highly recommended.
SEX: A word of caution: Don't be too generous with freebies. It's O.K. to have the occasional freebie on his birthday, but restrict such giveaways, make him earn them with a (wedding ring) then you'll know he wants you, not not just a roll in the hay. But then again it never hurts to get a few trinkets and some sexual relief from time to time. Just make sure you get something you want, for his release.
MANAGING YOUR MONEY: Remember, you'll need a nice nest egg, if you don't bag him. So don't let go of your money spend his, let him give you any of his $$ he wants to pay your bills, ect. Hint and get him to buy you all those nice expensive gifts that make good dressing in-case you lose this bird.
KEEPING FIT: Try to walk at least three miles every day and lift weights two to three times a week. A sports drink will replenish your body fluids in addition drink six to eight glasses of water a day. Warning-Careful on this one some men like their-heavy women, so if your this type of women. Good-News.. Some of the -Rich's Men- in the world married women that were heavy, because that's what turned them on. ( heavy or skinny) If you get him to look your already half way to a date.

SO!.. Ladies use this guide, I promise you'll weed out all the Users & Losers real fast. Why waste it on a Poor man when you could bag a Rich one...And learn to love him, and his money. Happy Hunting Girls!!"

Warning Signs That You're Dating a Loser

By Joseph M. Carver, PhDMental Health ProfessionalClinical Psychologist Dr. Joe Carver's Website
Dr. Carver has thirty years of clinical experience in a variety of settings including inpatient, outpatient, private practice, state hospitals, child-protective agencies, community mental health centers, neuro-rehabilitation, and now juvenile correctional facilities. He is currently in private practice and the Psychology Supervisor at Ohio River Valley Juvenile Correctional Facility:


"The Loser"

Very few relationships start on terms other than sweetness and politeness. In the beginning, "the honeymoon" of the relationship, it's difficult to determine what type of individual you are dating. Both you and the date are guarded, trying to obtain information about the other as much as possible without seeming like a police detective.
Romantic relationships can be wonderful with the right person. A relationship with the wrong individual however can lead to years of heartache, emotional/social damage, and even physical damage. A damaging adult partner can damage us, damage our loved ones, and even damage the way we feel about love and romance in the future. They can turn what is supposed to be a loving, supporting, and understanding relationship into the "fatal attraction" often described in movies. There are a variety of "bad choices" that may be encountered each week - most of which are easily to identify and avoid. We all know to avoid people that appear insane or abusive and not select them as a dating partner. However, some individuals are better at hiding their personality and behavior abnormalities. In an effort to provide some warning about these very damaging individuals, a type of individual commonly found in the dating scene, a male or female labeled "The Loser".

"The Loser" is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship.

"The Loser" has permanent personality characteristics that create this damage. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty. In one sense, they have always lived with this personality and behavior, often something they probably learned from their relatives/family.

Psychologists usually treat the victims of "The Loser", women or men who arrive at the office severely depressed with their self-confidence and self-esteem totally destroyed.

The following list is an attempt to outline the characteristics of "The Loser" and provide a manner in which women and men can identify potentially damaging relationships before they are themselves severely damaged emotionally or even physically. If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with "The Loser" in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you.

When a high number of these features are present - it's a probably or possibility. You will be hurt and damaged by "The Loser" if you stay in the relationship.

1. Rough Treatment "The Loser" will hurt you on purpose. If he or she hits you, twists your arm, pulls your hair, kicks you, shoves you, or breaks your personal property EVEN ONCE, drop them. Male losers often begin with behaviors that move you physically or hit the wall. Female losers often slap, kick and even punch their male partners when upset.
2. Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!! Normal, healthy individuals require a long process to develop a relationship because there is so much at stake. Healthy individuals will wait for a lot of information before offering a commitment - not three weeks. It's true that we can become infatuated with others quickly - but not make such unrealistic promises and have the future planned after three dates. The rapid warm-up is always a sign of shallow emotions which later cause "The Loser" to detach from you as quickly as they committed. "The Loser" typically wants to move in with you or marry you in less than four weeks or very early in the relationship.
3. Frightening Temper "The Loser" has a scary temper. If your boyfriend or girlfriend blows up and does dangerous things, like driving too fast because they're mad, breaking/throwing things, getting into fights, or threatening others - that temper will soon be turned in your direction. In the beginning of the relationship, you will be exposed to "witnessed violence" - fights with others, threats toward others, angry outbursts at others, etc. You will also hear of violence in their life,done to them by others and family members, but never who the hurt. You will see and witness this temper - throwing things, yelling, cursing, driving fast, hitting the walls, and kicking things. That quickly serves to intimidate you and fear their potential for violence, although "The Loser" quickly assures you that they are angry at others or situations, not at you. At first, you will be assured that they will never direct the hostility and violence at you - but they are clearly letting you know that they have that ability and capability - and that it might come your way. Later, you fear challenging or confronting them - fearing that same temper and violence will be turned in your direction.
4. Killing Your Self-Confidence "The Loser" repeatedly puts you down. They constantly correct your slight mistakes, making you feel "on guard", unintelligent, and leaving you with the feeling that you are always doing something wrong. They tell you that you're too fat, too unattractive, or don't talk correctly or look well,or their friends or family don't care for you. This gradual chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem allows them to later treat you badly - as though you deserved it. In public, you will be "walking on eggshells" - always fearing you are doing or saying something that will later create a temper outburst or verbal argument from them, behind closed doors. As they never allow others that know them to see this side of them. because if things don't work-out with you they need to look charming to others possible mates.
5. Cutting Off Your Support In order to control someone completely, you must cut off their supportive friends - sometimes even their family. "The Loser" feels your friends and family might influence you or offer negative opinions about their behavior. "The Loser" begins by telling you these friends treat you badly, take advantage of you, and don't understand the special nature of the love you share with them. In some cases, if they can't get rid of your best same-sex friend, "The Loser" will claim he or she made a pass at them, or told them things about you that they know would upset you if someone said something like that behind your back. If you talk to your friends or family, "The Loser" will punish you by asking multiple questions or making nasty accusations. Eventually, rather than face the verbal punishment, interrogation, and abuse, you'll develop the feeling that it's better not to talk to family and friends. You will withdraw from friends and family, prompting them to become upset with you. "The Loser" then tells you they are treating you badly again and you'd be better to keep your distance from them. Once you are isolated and alone, without support, their control over you can increase.
6. The Mean and Sweet Cycle "The Loser" cycles from mean to sweet and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. "The Loser" often apologizes but the damage to your self-esteem is already done - exactly as planned, they are molding you into what they want in a mate.
7. It's Always Your Fault "The Loser" blames you for their anger as well as any other behavior that is incorrect. When they cheat on you, if you don't act like they are the best person that you ever had sex with or they think that they don't sexually turn you on when they think you should be glad a person like them even wanted to have sex with you, or enough yell at you, treat you badly, damage your property, had a bad day, or even if you give a bit of your time to someone else when they are talking to you, or embarrass you publicly - it's somehow your fault that you allowed something to upset them. If you are ten minutes late for a date, it's your fault that the male loser drives 80 miles per hour, runs people off the road, and pouts the rest of the evening. "The Loser" tells you their anger and misbehavior would not have happened if you had not made some simple mistake, had loved them more, or had not questioned their behavior. "The Loser" never, repeat "never", takes personal responsibility for their behavior - it's always the fault of someone else. If they drive like a maniac and try to pull an innocent driver off the highway to assault them - it's actually the fault of the other driver (not his) as they didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes. They give you the impression that you had it (anger, yelling, assault) coming and deserved the anger, violence, pouting, or physical display of aggression.
8. Breakup Panic "The Loser" panics at the idea of breaking up - unless it's totally their idea - then you're dropped like a hot rock. Abusive boyfriends often break down and cry, they plead, they promise to change, and they offer marriage/trips/gifts when you threaten ending the relationship. Both male and female losers may threaten suicide, threaten to return to old sweethearts (who feel lucky they're gone!) - as though you will be responsible for those decisions. "The Loser" offers a multitude of "deals" and halfway measures, like "Let's just date one more month!"
They shower you with phone calls, often every five minutes, hoping that you will make an agreement or see them just to stop the telephone harassment. Some call your relatives, your friends, their friends, and anyone else they can think of - telling those people to call you and tell you how much they love you. Creative losers often create so much social pressure that the victim agrees to go back to the bad relationship rather than continue under the social pressure. Imagine trying to end a relationship and receiving tearful calls from all his or her relatives (they secretly hope you'll keep them so they don't have to), seeing a plea for your return in the newspaper or even on a local billboard, receiving flowers at work each day, or having them arrive at your place of work and offer you a wedding ring (male loser technique) or inform you that they might be pregnant (female loser technique) in front of your coworkers! Their reaction is emotionally intense, a behavior they use to keep you an emotional prisoner. If you go back to them, you actually fear a worse reaction if you threaten to leave again (making you a prisoner) and they later frequently recall the incident to you as further evidence of what a bad person you are. Remember, if your prize dog jumps the fence and escapes, if you get him back you build a higher fence. Once back in the grasp of "The Loser" - escape will be three times as difficult the next time.
9. No Outside Interests "The Loser" will encourage you to drop your hobbies, interests, and involvement with others, but later when you have done all this they will turn on you and say they never told you to drop those things that made you feel good, but yet make sure that you choose not to start doing them again. If you have an individual activity, they demand that they accompany you, making you feel miserable during the entire activity. The idea behind this is to prevent you from having fun or interests other than those which they totally control.
10. Paranoid Control "The Loser" will check up on you and keep track of where you are and who you are with. If you speak to a member of the opposite sex, you receive twenty questions about how you know them. If you don't answer their phone call, you are ask where you were, what were you doing, who you were talking to, etc. They will notice the type of mud on your car, question why you shop certain places, and question why you called a friend, why the friend called you, and so forth. Some losers follow you to the grocery, then later ask if you've been there in an attempt to catch you in a lie. In severe cases, they go through your mail, look through your purse/wallet, hit your radial on the phone when they arrive, or search through your garbage for evidence. High-tech losers may encourage you to make "private" calls to friends from their residence, calls that are being secretly taped for later reference. They may begin to tell you what to wear, what to listen to in music, and how to behave in public. Eventually, they tell you that you can not talk to certain friends or acquaintances, go certain places, or talk about certain issues in public. If no date is present on Friday night - "The Loser" will inform you that they will call you that night - sometime. That effectively keeps you home, awaiting the call, fearing the verbal abuse and questions you might receive if you weren't home for the call. This technique allows "The Loser" to do what they want socially, at the same time controlling your behavior from a distance or a local bar.
11. Public Embarrassment In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private, not so big you will notice. But just enough to gain control of you when in front of people. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser".
12. It's Never Enough "The Loser" convinces you that you are never quite good enough, but then they double talk and says you are the best thing that walked into their life.. You don't say "I love you" enough, you don't stand close enough, you don't do enough for them after all their sacrifices, and your behavior always falls short of what is expected. Or their family and friends don't think your are the right match for them, other words they could do better then you, but tell you your who makes them happy. This is another method of destroying your self-esteem and confidence. After months of this technique, they begin telling you how lucky you are to have them, that other people of the different sex is always hitting on them and never!! NEVER!! Letting you forget how lucky you are to have someone like them wanting to be with you - somebody who tolerates someone so inadequate and worthless as you, then again double talk and say how lucky they are to have found you. Mind you the words they use...I found you, like you were lost till they came along.
13. Entitlement "The Loser" has a tremendous sense of entitlement, the attitude that they have a perfectly logical right to do whatever they desire. If cut off in traffic, "The Loser" feels they have the right to run the other driver off the road, assault them, and endanger the lives of other drivers with their temper tantrum. Keep in mind, this same sense of entitlement will be used against you. If you disobey their desires or demands, or violate one of their rules, they feel they are entitled to punish you in any manner they see fit.
14. Your Friends and Family Dislike Them. As the relationship continues, your friends and family will see what "The Loser" is doing to you. They will notice a change in your personality or your withdrawal. They will protest. "The Loser" will tell you they are jealous of the "special love" you have and then use their protest and opinion as further evidence that they are against you - not him. The mention of your family members or friends will spark an angry response from them - eventually placing you in the situation where you stop talking about those you care about, even your own family members. "The Loser" will be jealous and threatened by anyone you are close to - even your children. In some cases like if they marry you, or promise of marriage they take over control, your parents or brothers/sisters/even kids will not be allowed to visit your home, with-out their okay.
15. Bad Stories People often let you know about their personality by the stories they tell about themselves. It's the old story about giving a person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. The stories a person tells informs us of how they see themselves, what they think is interesting, and what they think will impress you. A humorous individual will tell funny stories on himself. "The Loser" tells stories of violence, aggression, that had been done to them by others and past mates. How they were insensitive to them, But how you were not like them. They may tell you about past relationships and in every case, they assure you that they were treated horribly despite how wonderful they were to that person. People define themselves with their stories, much like a culture is described by it's folklore and legends. Listen to these stories - they tell you how you will eventually be treated and what's coming your way.
16. The Waitress Test It's been said that when dating, the way an individual treats a waitress or other neutral person of the opposite sex is the way they will treat you in six months. During the "honeymoon phase" of a relationship, you will be treated like a king or queen. However, during that time "The Loser" has not forgotten how he or she basically feels about the opposite sex. Waitresses, clerks, or other neutral individuals will be treated badly. If they are cheap - you'll never receive anything once the honeymoon is over. If they whine, complain, criticize, and torment - that's how they'll treat you in six months. A mentally healthy person is consistent, they treat almost all people the same way all the time. If you find yourself dating a man who treats you like a queen and other females like dirt - hit the road.
17. The Reputation As mentioned, mentally healthy individuals are consistent in their personality and their behavior. "The Loser" may have two distinct reputations - a group of individuals who will give you glowing reports and a group that will warn you that they are serious trouble. If you ask ten people about a new restaurant - five say it's wonderful and five say it's a hog pit - you clearly understand that there's some risk involved in eating there. "The Loser" may actually brag about their reputation as a "loving mate", "great lover", "giving person" or "always meeting the wrong kind of people to hook-up with". They may tell you stories where they have receive professional help. Pay attention to the reputation. Reputation is the public perception of an individual's behavior. If the reputation has two sides, good and bad, your risk is high. You will be dealing with the bad side once the honeymoon is over in the relationship. With severe behavior problems, "The Loser" will be found to have almost no friends, just acquaintances. Emotionally healthy and moral individuals will not tolerate friendships with losers that treat others so badly. If you find yourself disliking the friends of "The Loser", it's because they operate the same way he or she does and you can see it in them.
18. Walking on Eggshells As a relationship with "The Loser" continues, you will gradually be exposed to verbal intimidation, temper tantrums, lengthy interrogations about trivial matters, violence/threats directed at others but witnessed by you, paranoid preoccupation with your activities, and a variety of put-downs on your character. You will quickly find yourself "walking on eggshells" in their presence - fearful to bring up topics, fearful to mention that you spoke to or saw a friend, and fearful to question or criticize the behavior of "The Loser". Instead of experiencing the warmth and comfort of love, you will be constantly on edge, tense when talking to others (they might say something that you'll have to explain later), and fearful that you'll see someone you'll have to greet in public. Dates and times together will be more comfortable and less threatening when totally alone - exactly what "The Loser" wants - no interference with their control or dominance.
19. Discounted Feelings/Opinions "The Loser" is so self-involved and self-worshiping that the feelings and opinions of others are considered worthless. As the relationship continues and you begin to question what you are feeling or seeing in their behavior, you will be told that your feelings and opinions don't make sense, they're silly, and that you are emotionally disturbed to even think of such things. "The Loser" has no interest in your opinion or your feelings - but they will be disturbed and upset that you dare question their behavior. "The Loser" is extremely hostile toward criticism and often reacts with anger or rage when their behavior is questioned.
20. They Make You "Crazy" "The Loser" operates in such a damaging way that you find yourself doing "crazy" things in self-defense. If "The Loser" is scheduled to arrive at 8:00 pm - you call Time & Temperature to cover the radial, check your garbage for anything that might get you in trouble, and call your family and friends to tell them not to call you that night. You warn family/friends not to bring up certain topics, avoid locations in the community where you might see co-workers or friends, and not speak to others for fear of the 20 questions. You become paranoid as well - being careful what you wear and say. Nonviolent males find themselves in physical fights with female losers. Nonviolent females find themselves yelling and screaming when they can no longer take the verbal abuse or intimidation. In emotional and physical self-defense, we behave differently and oddly. While we think we are "going crazy" - it's important to remember that there is no such thing as "normal behavior" in a combat situation. Rest assured that your behavior will return to normal if you detach from "The Loser" before permanent psychological damage is done.

Dangerous Versions of "The Loser"

There are more severe if not dangerous versions of "The Loser" that have been identified over the years. If you are involved in a relationship with one of these versions, you may require professional and legal assistance to save yourself.
Physical Abuser Physical abusers begin the relationship with physical moving - shoving, pushing, forcing, etc. That quickly moves into verbal threats with physical gestures - the finger in the face, clinched fist in the face, and voiced physical threats such as "You make me want to break your face!" Eventually, these combine to form actual physical abuse - hitting, slapping, and kicking. "The Loser" is always sorry the next day and begins the mean-then-sweet cycle all over again. Getting away from physical abusers often requires the assistance of family, law enforcement agencies, or local abuse agencies. Female losers often physically attack their partner, break car windows, or behave with such violence that the male partner is forced to physically protect himself from the assault. If the female loser is bruised in the process of self-protection, as when physically restraining her from hitting, those bruises are then "displayed" to others as evidence of what a bad person the partner is and how abusive they have been in the relationship.
People often then remain in the abusive and controlling relationship due to fear. While such fears are unrealistic as "The Loser" is only interested in controlling you, those fears feel very real when combined with the other characteristics of "The Loser".
Psychotic or psychiatrically ill losers may also stalk, follow, or harass you. They may threaten physical violence, show weapons, or threaten to kill you or themselves if you leave them. If you try to date others, they may follow you or threaten your new date. Your new date may be subjected to phone harassment, vandalism, threats, and even physical assaults. If you are divorced, separated, or recently ended another relationship, "The Loser" will be intimidating toward your ex-partner, fearing you might return if the other partner is not "scared off". You may need help and legal action to separate from these individuals.

Guidelines for Detachment

Separating from "The Loser" often involves three stages: The Detachment, Ending the Relationship, and the Follow-up Protection.

The Detachment
During this part of separating from "The Loser", you recognize what you must do and create an Exit Plan. Many individuals fail in attempts to detach from "The Loser" because they leave suddenly and impulsively, without proper planning, and without resources. In many cases, "The Loser" has isolated their partner from others, has control of finances, or has control of major exit needs such as an automobile. During the detachment phase you should...
- Observe the way you are treated. Watch for the methods listed above and see how "The Loser" works.
- Gradually become more boring, talk less, share less feelings and opinions. The goal is almost to bore "The Loser" to lessen the emotional attachment, at the same time not creating a situation which would make you a target.
- Quietly contact your family and supportive others. Determine what help they might be - a place to stay, protection, financial help, etc.
- If you fear violence or abuse, check local legal or law enforcement options such as a restraining order.
- If "The Loser" is destructive, slowly move your valuables from the home if together, or try to recover valuables if in their possession. In many cases, you may lose some personal items during your detachment - a small price to pay to get rid of "The Loser".
- Stop arguing, debating or discussing issues. Stop defending and explaining yourself - responding with comments such as "I've been so confused lately" or "I'm under so much stress I don't know why I do anything anymore".
- Begin dropping hints that you are depressed, burned out, or confused about life in general. Remember - "The Loser" never takes responsibility for what happens in any relationship. "The Loser" will feel better about leaving the relationship if they can blame it on you. Many individuals are forced to "play confused" and dull, allowing "The Loser" to tell others "My girlfriend (or boyfriend) about half nuts!" They may tell others you're crazy or confused but you'll be safer. Allow them to think anything they want about you as long as you're in the process of detaching.
- Don't start another relationship. That will only complicate your situation and increase the anger. Your best bet is to "lay low" for several months. Remember, "The Loser" will quickly locate another victim and become instantly attached as long as the focus on you is allowed to die down.
- As "The Loser" starts to question changes in your behavior, admit confusion, depression, emotionally numbness, and a host of other boring reactions. This sets the foundation for the ending of the relationship.
Ending the Relationship
Remembering that "The Loser" doesn't accept responsibility, responds with anger to criticism, and is prone to panic detachment reactions - ending the relationship continues the same theme as the detachment.
- Explain that you are emotionally numb, confused, and burned out. You can't feel anything for anybody and you want to end the relationship almost for his or her benefit. Remind them that they've probably noticed something is wrong and that you need time to sort out your feelings and fix whatever is wrong with you. As disgusting as it may seem, you may have to use a theme of "I'm not right for anyone at this point in my life." If "The Loser" can blame the end on you, as they would if they ended the relationship anyway, they will depart faster.
- If "The Loser" panics, you'll receive a shower of phone calls, letters, notes on your car, etc. React to each in the same manner - a boring thanks. If you overreact or give in, you've lost control again.
- Focus on your need for time away from the situation. Don't agree to the many negotiations that will be offered - dating less frequently, dating only once a week, taking a break for only a week, going to counseling together, etc. As long as "The Loser" has contact with you they feel there is a chance to manipulate you.
- "The Loser" will focus on making you feel guilty. In each phone contact you'll hear how much you are loved, how much was done for you, and how much they have sacrificed for you. At the same time, you'll hear about what a bum you are for leading them on, not giving them an opportunity to fix things, and embarrassing them by ending the relationship.
- Don't try to make them understand how you feel - it won't happen. "The Loser" only is concerned with how they feel - your feelings are irrelevant. You will be wasting your time trying to make them understand and they will see the discussions as an opportunity to make you feel more guilty and manipulate you.
- Don't fall for sudden changes in behavior or promises of marriage, trips, gifts, etc. By this time you have already seen how "The Loser" is normally and naturally. While anyone can change for a short period of time, they always return to their normal behavior once the crisis is over.
- Seek professional counseling for yourself or the support of others during this time. You will need encouragement and guidance. Keep in mind, if "The Loser" finds out you are seeking help they will criticize the counseling, the therapist, or the effort.
- Don't use terms like "someday", "maybe", or "in the future". When "The Loser" hears such possibilities, they think you are weakening and will increase their pressure.
- Imagine a dead slot machine. If we are in Las Vegas at a slot machine and pull the handle ten times and nothing happens - we move on to another machine. However, if on the tenth time the slot machine pays us even a little, we keep pulling the handle - thinking the jackpot is on the way. If we are very stern and stable about the decision to end the relationship over many days, then suddenly offer a possibility or hope for reconciliation - we've given a little pay and the pressure will continue. Never change your position - always say the same thing. "The Loser" will stop playing a machine that doesn't pay off and quickly move to another.

Follow-up Protection

"The Loser" never sees their responsibility or involvement in the difficulties in the relationship. From a psychological standpoint, "The Loser" has lived and behaved in this manner most of their life, clearly all of their adult life. As they really don't see themselves at fault or as an individual with a problem, "The Loser" tends to think that the girlfriend or boyfriend is simply going through a phase - their partner (victim) might be temporarily mixed up or confused, they might be listening to the wrong people, or they might be angry about something and will get over it soon. "The Loser" rarely detaches completely and will often try to continue contact with the partner even after the relationship is terminated. During the Follow-up Protection period, some guidelines are:
- Never change your original position. It's over permanently! Don't talk about possible changes in your position in the future. You might think that will calm "The Loser" but it only tells them that the possibilities still exist and only a little more pressure is needed to return to the relationship.
- Don't agree to meetings or reunions to discuss old times. For "The Loser", discussing old times is actually a way to upset you, put you off guard, and use the guilt to hook you again.
- Don't offer details about your new life or relationships. Assure him that both his life and your life are now private and that you hope they are happy.
- If you start feeling guilty during a phone call, get off the phone fast. More people return to bad marriages and relationships due to guilt than anything else. If you listen to those phone calls, as though taping them, you'll find "The Loser" spends most of the call trying to make you feel guilty.
- In any contact with the ex "Loser", provide only a status report, much like you'd provide to your Aunt Gladys. For example: "I'm still working hard and not getting any better at tennis. That's about it."
- When "The Loser" tells you how difficult the breakup has been, share with him some general thoughts about breaking-up and how finding the right person is difficult. While "The Loser" wants to focus on your relationship, talk in terms of Ann Landers - "Well, breaking up is hard on anyone. Dating is tough in these times. I'm sure we'll eventually find someone that's right for both of us." Remember - nothing personal!
- Keep all contact short and sweet - the shorter the better. As far as "The Loser" is concerned, you're always on your way somewhere, there's something in the microwave, or your mother is walking up the steps to your home. Wish "The Loser" well but always with the same tone of voice that you might offer to someone you have just talked to at the grocery store. For phone conversations, electronic companies make a handy gadget that produces about twenty sounds - a doorbell, an oven or microwave alarm, a knock on the door, etc. That little device is handy to use on the phone - the microwave dinner just came out or someone is at the door. Do whatever you have to do to keep the conversation short - and not personal.

Summary

In all of our relationships throughout life, we will meet a variety of individuals with many different personalities. Some are a joy to have in our life and some provide us with life-long love and security. Others we meet pose some risk to us and our future due to their personality and attitudes. Both in medicine and mental health - the key to health is the early identification and treatment of problems - before they reach the point that they are beyond treatment. In years of psychotherapy and counseling practice, treating the victims of "The Loser", patterns of attitude and behavior emerge in "The Loser" that can now be listed and identified in the hopes of providing early identification and warning. When those signs and indicators surface and the pattern is identified, we must move quickly to get away from the situation. Continuing a relationship with "The Loser" will result in a relationship that involves intimidation, fear, angry outbursts, paranoid control, and a total loss of your self-esteem and self-confidence.
If you have been involved in a long-term relationship with "The Loser", after you successfully escape you may notice that you have sustained some psychological damage that will require professional repair. In many cases, the stress has been so severe that you may have a stress-produced depression. You may have severe damage to your self-confidence/self-esteem or to your feelings about the opposite sex or relationships. Psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and counselors are available in your community to assist and guide you as you recover from your damaging relationship with "The Loser".

Credit: This handout was written by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., a Clinical Psychologist. It is provided as a public service and can be reproduced as needed. Dr. Carver is in private practice in Southern Ohio and is affiliated with three regional hospitals."

Heartache Thru My Eyes

" Lately I suspect that I cause myself a lot of useless stress and sorrow, but I don't see how I'm doing it. Our lives are meant to be bright, noble, and ever ascending. This promise of our True Potential is made Good in us by the fulfillment of our Possibilities, and not through the interminable struggle of trying to do what is impossible. Most of our sorrows are the offspring of trying to be something we have no Real need to be, in trying to do what cannot, and need not, be doing. We unknowingly hurt ourselves. First, whenever we are goaded into attempting the impossible, we not only suffer defeat but we also strengthen the self that would have us believe it's possible to put out a fire with gasoline. Second, as we see the fact of these false workings in our mind and heart the only possible solution is to end our participation with their foolish guidance. In other words, our needless heartaches end as we see that the healing we hope for begins with letting go of our unseen relationship with those parts of ourselves responsible for our self-hurting. Look at the small places in our psychic lives where we are trying to do the impossible and where, as a result of our misunderstanding, we are still sowing and reaping the harvest of frustration and heartache.

It is impossible to see where you have made a mistakes, when your swimming in your own self-pity !!

It is impossible: To be carried to a secure and peaceful harbor, in your mind on a ship crafted by anxiety or fearful feelings.

It is impossible: To gain real happiness at the expense of the pain of someone else, or thinking they caused all your pain and you had nothing to do with it.

It is impossible :To raise your self-esteem yourself by pushing another person lower, in order to make you look better.

It is impossible : To let someone take advantage of you without living in secret fear of them, because you allowed them into your part life.

It is impossible: To realize Life as long as we remain filled with our own self-pity, and blame others for putting us there.

It is impossible: To rise above any fear or worry we have found to be buried somewhere in our own unsuspected misunderstanding thinking if we don't learn to reach down inside of us and pull it up and look at it, in therapy to learn how to throw it away and move on with out that pain.

It is impossible: To receive forgiveness in life from that someone, without having learned what it means to freely forgive the person who you feel cause you to feel pain and sadness..

It is impossible: To wish another person any kind of ill for any reason, and not be made to feel sick with in ourselves. Because we spent so much energy trying to hurt someone else we end up paying for in hurt and bitterness.

It is impossible: To hate what conditions in life we are giving by life it's self, Then wonder angrily at the same time why we can't learn from what happened."

RELATIONSHIPS Is it Time to Break Up? 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

" How do you know when it's time to move on? When should you try to trust again and when you should just cut your losses, call it a day, and get out of the relationship. While there are many situations where trust can be successfully rebuilt and relationships salvaged, there are other circumstances where romantic reparations should not be attempted. Recognizing an unhealthy relationship is not always easy when you are in the midst of it. Many people are 'blinded' to the unpleasant reality and are unable to--or are afraid to--admit that they are in a dead-end situation. Here are ten questions to ask yourself that may aid in determining whether your relationship is worth saving. This is not an exhaustive list, but if you can answer yes to one or more of the following questions, it may be time to move on:

1. Does your mate disrespect you? Does he or she make you feel bad about yourself? Do you feel emotionally drained on a regular basis? A positive relationship should not leave you feeling exhausted and depleted. If your mate feels the need to constantly put you down or embarrass you in front of others for no apparent reason, then he or she is probably insecure. Your mate may think that he or she is not good enough for you and insulting you is a method of trying to bring you down to his or her level. There is no excuse for someone intentionally belittling the person they claim to love. Mental abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. If you have tried to bring this up with your mate and the only response you get is more insults; it's time to find someone who will build you up instead of tear you down.

2. Is your mate controlling or excessively jealous? Does your mate want to know your every waking move? Does he or she get jealous or angry over innocent situations? There are many reasons why your mate may feel the need to exert control over you. Here are the three most common scenarios: your mate sees you as an object or a possession rather than an equal, your mate is insecure due to betrayals in previous relationships, or your mate is being deceptive and is attempting to cover it up or make up for the guilt by accusing you of wrong-doing. This type of behavior can also be a characteristic of your mate's personality. This is the worst situation, because there is virtually no hope for rectifying the situation if this is the case. If you have not given your mate any reason to doubt your word, and he or she is still unable to trust anything you say or do, attempt to uncover your mate's rationale for behaving in this manner. If your mate does not realize how possessive he or she has been acting, give your mate a chance to change.

3. Is your mate physically abusive? This one is pretty straight-forward: if you get hit, it's time to quit. I know that it's not always easy to leave an abusive partner, but you have to find a way to get out. It's not only detrimental to a successful relationship; it's dangerous to your well-being. If you need help, but don't know where to turn, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) or visit their website at ndvh.org.

4. Is your mate completely different from the person you fell in love with? Do you often wonder, "What the heck happened to that sweet, caring person I first met?" Everyone will, and should, change to a certain extent over the course of a long-term relationship. But there are some people who put on a facade in the early stages of dating to woo potential partners and then after they get comfortable in a relationship, their true colors come out. Maybe that attentive person you knew and loved doesn't listen to a word you say anymore. If your mate has made a 180-degree turnaround, drop the chameleon and get with someone who is real right from the start.

5. Do you and your mate have completely different life goals? While it's true that opposites attract, what initially turned you on to someone may be what eventually turns you off. You may come to realize that your beliefs, attitudes, interests, or values simply do not mesh.

6. Does your mate fear commitment? Have you been with your mate for years and yet the slightest mention of furthering the relationship makes him or her go into panic mode? I know many women say all guys have a commitment phobia, but I know some women who are also afraid to take the next step. Sometimes, it's just a matter of timing and then there are relationships where all the time in the world won't change a thing. I'm sorry, but if your mate doesn't know if he or she wants to commit to you after 1-years of being in a relationship, then he or she probably isn't your soul mate, and they really don't want to marry you or care if you stay or go. As long as they don't have to tie the knot to keep you. If you are in a situation like this, stop wasting your time and find someone who wants the kind of relationship you are seeking.

7. Is there a complete loss of interest or attraction? Are you bored with your mate? Do you think of your mate more as an old friend than a lover? If you look at your mate and not even so much as a spark of a spark flies, the fire in your relationship may have died. There are ways to re-ignite the flame. Try to add romance back into your relationship. If you have tried everything and you still can't spice up your relationship, it is probably best to end it on a positive note so that you can remain friends.

8. Does your mate have a track record of cheating? Has your mate broken your trust over and over again? Does your mate cheat, apologize, get back on your good side, and then stray again? This trust can only be rebuilt if the person who committed the betrayal is truly remorseful for their actions and the pain it caused. He or she must be ready to make a change and not make the same mistake again. Don't become a doormat for your mate to walk all over. Some people cannot, or should I say will not, ever be faithful. Do not keep believing empty promises. If you have forgiven your mate before and transgressions continue to occur; move on to someone who can be committed.

9. Are you in a long-distance relationship with no end in sight? Long-distance love is hard enough, but if neither one of you ever plans on re-locating to be with the other, it may be time to sever your ties. A romantic relationship needs physical interaction to thrive over time. And this can be done if you are faithful ONLY!! To this person and make a point to at least make daily contact with them somehow threw the email system or a phone call and when you are not together, also if you live more them 2-hours away from each other going one way you should try and work out a system to where you both take turns going to see the other. Spend some face to face time with each other at least no less then 2-!! Times a month. Their can be long-distance success for increments of time for everyone, If your planning on marrying this person and your just waiting for that happy day to move all you box's under one roof , that's fine to wait to live together if you both understand this is why your not living in the same town or house with them. But if you really care about this person, and want to keep them them from moving onto to someone else. DO!! NOT!! String them along as to when you both may become Husband & Wife, forever is a long time set a time line at least 1- year and not more from the time you both agree you would like to marry the other. So unless one of you plans on making the move sometime in the near future, it may be best to let that other person go to find someone that wants the same as them, and the person that has a problem with commitment to another person needs to stay out of the dating scene and talk with a therapist about why they can't commit to another person, and find out why they are always looking for something better or afraid to let someone love them. Or this person will keep repeating this same loop over and over again hurting every person they date, and that is a form of ABUSE!!

10. Love...What's that? Make a list of the reasons you want to stay in the relationship. If that list is void of the word love, you are selling yourself short. Maybe all of your friends and family love your mate and you feel pressured to stay in the relationship even though you really want out. Don't stay with your mate for the sake of anyone else--not your parents, not your friends, and not even your kids. This is the only life you get; don't waste it with someone you don't love, or you know don't love you.

I believe in preserving the family and trying your best to make a marriage work, but I also feel that people have a right to happiness. When marriage and children are involved, things are not always as cut and dried. But physical or mental abuse and excessive cheating are very good reasons to consider divorce. If you are thinking about ending your marriage, I strongly advise consulting a mental health professional before making a final decision.
If you are not married and you answered yes to one or more of the above questions, most likely it is time to move on. But, before you make any hasty decisions, make sure that you carefully consider if you have given your relationship a fair chance, if you feel you have and its making you lose who you feel you want to be or are. Then it's time to let go even if you are hurting over letting go. "